Absurd Surprises
by Ghost Peacock
Summary: Discord bails on Celestia just when she needs him the most. He returns to her palace only to find his nightmare is still unfolding. Or is it? Rated K for everyone except those who hate the Dislestia pairing. Very fluffy.


The sunset was extraordinarily lovely. Princess Luna was lowering the sun, a very rare occasion for the princess of the night. Princess Celestia had been out of commission for two days. Despite every piece of mind she had against what was going on, Luna smiled for her big sister. Tonight she would make a very starry night sky. Of course, no one else in Equestria aside from her and a few of Celestia guards knew why that was.

Suddenly a beam of light flashed behind her.

"Hellooooo Luna!" Luna scowled at the voice. It was Discord, who had not been seen in three days. "Busy raising that hunk of rock in the sky no one cares about?"

"Discord," Luna said addressing him in a formal manner, "where has thou been? Our sister has had in the loosest terms ever, 'rough' past few days. Did you not leave on purpose to avoid confrontation?"

"Celestia's been backed up? Pfft, why would I ever leave her when she needs me?" the old draconequus put a claw to his lip to make a clueless face. Then he laughed under his breath. He had actually gone all over Equestria in this time. First to Las Pegasus, then to the Crystal Empire to fool innocent ponies into thinking Sombra was returning, then (after making sure the royal guards asking for information as to where he had gone left) came to Ponyville to crash at Fluttershy's house, where Fluttershy had to sleep outside on account of him using her bed.

Then finally he returned the Canterlot Palace.

"So where is Snorelestia anyway? Eating her pain away?"

Luna growled, wanting desperately to attack him for talking of her sister like that. "Celestia is sleeping up in her room."

"Ooh well then I don't see what all the fuss is about. I'll just see her now," said Discord.

"What? No you can't-"

Before the flabbergasted moon princess could say anymore, Discord had disappeared.

* * *

In literally a flash Discord reappeared in Princess Celestia's bedchambers. The drapes were closed so very little sunlight came in. This was something Celestia never did. Naturally she was one to appreciate sunlight.

The alicorn lay in her bed lost in heavy sleep. Usually Celestia had a bad habit of snoring, something few ponies knew about since she never shared her bedchambers with anyone. However she seemed to have been asleep for sometime and was only breathing softly. She did not stir nor tremble in the slightest. She just lay there.

Discord smiled, it was the perfect opportunity to wake her up. He said, not trying to lower his voice in any way, "Good evening Celestia! Missed me much?" Celestia only continued to sleep. This angered Discord since nothing made him happier than making Celestia hot and bothered. He conjured up a foghorn and was about to use it when he heard crying. He woke someone up, only it wasn't Celestia.

The draconequus turned white as chalk and looked at the other end of the room in despair. A cradle was laid out in front of the drapes.

"Why did she have to keep it here?" he thought aloud.

Discord had fathered hundreds of children when he ruled Equestria over a thousand years ago. The only difference was he never knew them, and he certainly didn't know their mothers to well either. Most of them were just random ponies he picked. As much as he liked the idea of having his way with Celestia, he most certainly did not want to have any children with her. It sounded like a nightmare. As far as he was concerned it was. Celestia was undoubtedly going to force him to bond with their child. He was not a father. He was an all powerful draconequus and spirit of chaos. He did not have time to be a father.

The infant did not stop crying and so he slowly walked up to the crib to get it to stop. He conjured up a pacifier. "Oh put a quark in it already. It's not my fault your mother sleeps like a bear." He leaned over the crib and finally got a decent look at the foal. Upon doing so, he instantly dropped the pacifier.

The baby pony was waving its hooves about looking for its mother to grab onto. She had a horn and a very wavy, light brown mane. She had Celestia coat. Crisp, glistening white with a hint of brown surrounding her muzzle, which reminded Discord of the fur on his body. But that was not what caught him off guard. Once he leaned over the cradle the newborn filly opened her eyes and stared up at the draconequus. Her tiny eyes were two different colors. One was deep purple and the other red. Discord had joked while he and Celestia were arguing about who their child would look more like that rather than having one eye color they should have both.

_"Then people might poke fun at our foal. I don't want that!" _

_Discord laughed. "Well that'll teach the kid how to take criticism. But whatever, if you want your foal to look like every one else, let it have purple eyes." _

Discord stared at the filly for some time not knowing what to do next. He rarely ever felt like that. That was when the baby pony noticed his tail. Her eyes grew huge and her jaw hung open. She started to laugh as she flailed her tiny hooves forward in a little "gimme" fashion.

When Discord saw what she wanted he brushed his tail against her face. The filly began to laugh and smothered herself in his tail feathers. That laugh, that tiny little cackle, brought a smile to Discord's face. It was an odd laugh for a newborn. In fact it almost sounded maniacal. It made him laugh to. To amuse his daughter more Discord pulled back and the end of the tail snapped off. The pony squealed with the amusement of ripping off her father's tail. Then she scampered under her covers.

"Oh, so you think you can get away with theft eh?" Discord said. He reached into the blankets and pulled the filly out by her tail. By now he could see she had wings too. It was a rare case for a pony to be born with wings and a horn.

The filly held the bits of tail with her front hooves while kicking her back hooves furiously. Before Discord could say anything else, someone groaned. Celestia had woken up and was spreading her wings. The filly giggled at the sight of her mother, waving her front hooves for her.

"Hello there sweetheart," Celestia said walking over to where Discord stood.

"Aww. You haven't called me that in ages."

"I'm not talking to you," Celestia said. With that she picked up her daughter with her magic and led her over to her bed. She kneeled down as the filly crawled over to her mother's legs where she began nursing. Celestia then covered her foal with her wing to give her privacy.

In any ordinary circumstances Discord would just shirk off Celestia's comment. But this time she was giving him a harsh glare while she did so. A glare that spelled out every thought of betrayal she felt in him for not being there for her. Discord frowned. He tried to say something but the alicorn stopped him.

"I don't want to hear it," Celestia said. Then she yelped. She lifted her wing and looked at her newborn baby. "Assurdita! Behave yourself young filly. Oh, that hurt…."

Discord floated next to Celestia and smiled, exposing his long snaggletooth. "Inheritance much?"

Celestia rolled her eyes. "I hope not. She already seems like a hooful."

"Wait one second…what did you call her?"

Celestia's ears pricked up. "Assurdita. I would change it considering who thought it was good name but…it does suit her."

Discord grinned. He thought the Italian word for "nonsense" sounded perfect for his child. Celestia liked how it sounded but not so much the meaning behind it. "That's absolutely perfect! Assurdita! Oh think of all the chaos she's going to create!"

Celestia glared. "We went through the Discord. My daughter is not going to be your little partner in crime."

"Excuse me Snorlestia," Discord said, "but that's _our_ daughter. And who's to stop her from being anything she wants?"

"Because that's what you want. Oh and by the way, it's nice to know you show concern for her now and not when she was being born a few hours ago."

"I'm not showing concern? You aren't even saying the word correctly. It's 'assurdità', or do you want ponies to think you're some sort of moron?"

Assurdita stopped nursing looked behind her mother's wing, watching her parents argue. Her father was a strange fellow with a toy for a tail and her mother was the sweetest, warmest thing alive. The two of them were practically demigods, representing their profession as powerful ruler and crazed convict. And they were her parents. Her bickering, arguing, resentful parents.

That's when Assurdita smiled. She was only a few hours old, yet she considered herself lucky to have them for parents and no one else.


End file.
